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Gary’s column, The Cocktailian, runs every other Friday in the Wine
section of The San Francisco Chronicle
The
Professor Constructs a Heavenly Drink from Neyah
White, Nopa, San Francisco
11/10/06
"What's the difference
between God and a bartender, Professor?" Hal, a guy who tends bar at
Duffy's, an Irish pub in
Hoboken, N.J.
and is in town for an extended bar crawl, grins at our cocktailian
bartender .
The Cocktailian Puts A Spell On
You
10/27/06
The Voodoo
Priestess, adapted from a drink at Forbidden
Island in Alameda, is a fairly intricate affair.
Cut the fog with a well-balanced cocktail
10/13/06
"Could you
fix us a round of Fog Cutters, Professor?" A group of people who work
at a law firm close to our cocktailian
bartender's joint have just sidled up to the bar. Alice, an attorney, is
ordering the drinks.
Drink an apple a day to keep the doctor away
09/29/06
"Here you
go, Professor. Straight from the orchard," says John, a farmer from Sonoma who just
placed a huge basket of apples on our cocktailian
bartender's stretch of mahogany. "Wow, John. They look great. For
me?" the Professor asks. "Yep. Figured we...
Spice up Scotch to create a 'gift from God'
09/15/06
For no apparent
reason, The Professor, our cocktailian bartender,
is in a particularly good mood today, and even he is having a hard time
understanding what's making him so happy. "Just woke up this way,
Doc," he tells his most regular of regular customers...
Ouzo gives margarita a Greek accent
08/31/06
The Professor,
our cocktailian bartender, is standing at the
service area quietly chatting to Regina,
the raunchy waitress, when the sound of breaking crockery disturbs them. He
turns around to see Jonny, a bartender from
Absinthe Brasserie & Bar on Hayes...
The 411 on a Cool Cucumber
08/17/2006
"Professor,
you got any idea what PMIGBOM means in e-mail-speak?" asks Desiree, an
artist who hangs at our cocktailian bartender's
stretch of mahogany. She's one of the last holdouts who are finally...
Does time exist? Drink and pontificate
08/03/2006
Doc, a regular
at the Professor's bar, and a longtime friend of our cocktailian
bartender, seems to be daydreaming as he nurses a beer that's been in front
of him for almost an hour. "Penny for your thoughts, Doc," says
the Professor. "I'm lost in this...
Devious Cocktail's secret hangs in the balance
07/06/06
"Well, it
depends on what kind of deviation you're talking about, Professor. There's
your frequency deviation in radio, for instance. All to do with frequency
modulation, you know. Then you have your communist deviation -- something
or other that's not in...
Two of Britain's finest inventions combine in unexpected
fashion
07/20/06
"I've no
idea what to drink, Professor. Anything new in your head?" asks Mary
Beth, the wife of one of our cocktailian
bartender's best friends, Peter. She's waiting for her husband to show up
to take her out for dinner. "I've got a new recipe that's...
An award-winning cocktail to drink between the sheets
06/22/2006
"Six of us
went to Bed together in New York.
What a riot. We were there for hours." Kelly-Anne, one of the
Professor's regular customers, is talking to her good friend, Meghan, and
they're both well...
Love Potion gets its zing from ginger vodka
06/08/2006
Martha, a
rather schoolmarmish-looking woman who loves her
cocktails despite what her appearance might suggest, is sitting at our cocktailian bartender's slab of mahogany trying to
decide what to dr...
There's more than one way to skin an advocaat
05/25/2006
"It can't
be a fizz. There's no soda in the drink. I guess you could call it a flip,
though, given there's advocaat in there,"
says George, a curmudgeonly character who is killing some time at The P...
This martini rocks
05/11/2006
"So, how
was your vacation? You went to Austria, right Lilly?"...
Pomegranate liqueur juices Shanghai Tea
04/27/2006
"This is a
great drink, Professor. I've never tasted anything quite like it. One of
your concoctions?" Jeff, a New Yorker who always drops in on The
Professor when he's in town, is passing some time...
A homegrown martini for shaky times, or shaky cities
04/13/2006
"What's shakin', Professor?" asks Doc, a regular customer
at our cocktailian bartender's slab of
mahogany...
Tea time gets a new, fruity kick
03/30/2006
"Yes, but
it's pronounced 'chee,' "
the Professor, our cocktailian bartender,
explains to Leo, a mischievous joker who pops into the bar to see the
Professor occasionally. "It means 'life force.' It...
A Scotsman named Harry finds the road to Tipperary
March
16th, 2006
"It's St. Patrick's Day tomorrow, Professor. How about we
get an early start on it? Wanna fix me a Tipperary
cocktail?" asks Peter, a local innkeeper who often escapes work for a
cocktail or two at ...
Yuzu the voodoo in Ponzu's Sultana
February
16th, 2006
The Professor,
our cocktailian bartender, has just placed a
cocktail on the bar in front of Doc, a regular customer...
Sherry turns pears to pearls
February
2nd, 2006
"Looky here, Dennis. Jacques Bezuidenhout
won a competition with a drink called La Perla.
Tequila and sherry in the same glass."...
Drink a Porteño and soon you'll
be humming about Argentina
January
26th, 2006
The Professor,
our cocktailian bartender, is polishing glasses
behind the bar and humming a tune that only he can recognize...
It's magic: Turn a White Lady into a Thai Lady in one step
January
5th, 2006
"Oh boy,
am I ready for a drink. Had a grueling day at work, Professor." Peter,
a local innkeeper, just arrived at our cocktailian
bartender's joint. His nerves are shot...
1838 is a very good year for rum and Yellow Chartreuse
December
8th, 2005
The Minister of
Rum drops in on the Professor.
Bartender dreams up the Menage au
Poire
November
17th, 2005
The Professor
mixes up a new drink by Victoria Damato-Moran at
Tony Nik's
A belt of bourbon stands up to the herbs in a drink named
after a 6-toed cat
November
3rd, 2005
To make the Beezer cocktail, you just might have to blow some of
the dust off of that bottle of B&B.
Steeped in fine cocktail lineage, this drink gets its kick
from tea
October
20th, 2005
Gin, and Earl
Grey form the base for the obviously named Earl Grey MarTEAni
Fate joins gin, lychee for a Fukien Mist
October
6th, 2005
The Professor serves
up a drink that he learned about from Restaurant Ana Mandara.
The Professor finds a quick study for the Stanford Cocktail
September
22nd, 2005
The Stanford
Cocktail is a drink created by Colin Peter Field, head barman at the
Hemingway Bar in the Ritz Paris hotel, to commemorate a customer's
acceptance to Stanford.
Whet your palate with a Bob-Tailed Nag, doo
da, doo da
September
8th, 2005
Jonny Raglin, principal bartender at Absinthe Brasserie &
Bar, provides us with an instant classic.
Drain a Pink Sink to wash away the blues
August
25th, 2005
The Professor
is undertaking a little home-remodeling, with the requisite woes to go
along with it.
The Professor invites Madam Geneva for a cocktail
August
11th, 2005
Perhaps it's
time to dust off that bottle of Pimms No. 1 and
mix up a nice, light, thirst quenching drink.
A cocktail good enough for Gatsby to love
July
28th, 2005
With just a
hint of coincidence, the Professor mixes up a Seelbach
cocktail, which is followed soon afterwards by a Daisy.
Drink Cognac like the French -- mixed
July
21st, 2005
Join Gary (yes, I said Gary, and not "The
Professor") as he gallantly adventures across the French countryside
in order to answer some questions about Cognac.
Something's up if everyone in the bar is doing a cancan
July
14th, 2005
Bastille Day
catches the Professor by surprise, as he serves up Pastis
Provencal and Mouresque.
The Thai Boxer is good for at least one round
June
30th, 2005
The professor
serves up a Thai Boxer, a complex drink using a
Tahitian inspired rum.
Scotch adds the smoke that gives Rauch its name
June
16th, 2005
Smoking might
be illegal in San Francisco
bars, but that doesn't stop the Professor from mixing up a smokey drink.
A negroni waxes lyrical with
Liqueur de Poete
June
2nd, 2005
The Professor
shares a Renaissance Negroni, and proves
himself to be a bit of a Renaissance man himself... in a manner of
speaking...
N.Y. cocktail allows the maker to get creative California
brandy holds its own in 2 Big Apple recipes
May
19th, 2005
The Professor
gets both a history and a spelling lesson as he mixes up the Debonnaire and the Debutante cocktails.
The Professor concocts a jiggling Cinco
de Mayo special
Jelly shots have been around at least 140 years
May
1st, 2005
Donning a cheap
Mexican sombrero, the Professor reaches back into history for some help
creating a Margarita Jelly Shot.
Genever gin improves a Rembrandt
April
21st, 2005
The Professor,
and his friend "Doc", check out the Rembrandt cocktail.
Summer comes early for some
April
7th, 2005
Blackberry or
black currant, either way you make it, the Summertime Cocktail hits
the spot.
The Professor hooks a cocktail from a Russian Hill
restaurant
March
24th, 2005
The Professor
ruminates about the Romanza, a new drink
developed by Jacques Bezuidenhout, one of the bartenders at Pesce's
a Russian Hill seafood restaurant on Polk Street.
Coffee kicks a cocktail into high gear
March
10th, 2005
The Professor
samples some variations of the CoCo
Cocktail, in the name of research.
Aviation takes wing with maraschino
February
24th, 2005
The Professor
recommends the Aviation cocktail while discussing filmography with a regular customer.
Who says farewells have to be sad?
February
10th, 2005
The Professor
and an old friend are reminiscing about some past adventures as they sip on
a Jamaica Farewell.
Strange drink names dog The Professor and his cohorts
February
3rd, 2005
Comparing
strange drink names, with recipes to match, the Professor ponders over the
origins of the Dog's Nose.
Beware of letting your friends taste your oysters with your
Pear Martini.
January
13th, 2005
Matching
cocktails with food is a new and welcomed trend. The Professor gives it a
try with the Pear Martini and oysters.
Add liqueur to a Manhattan and chaos ensues
December
30th, 2004
The Professor
creates Organized Chaos by adding a little Elisir.
Orangerie makes the Kew Club the
toast of the town
December
16th, 2004
Some visitors
from London
introduce the Professor to a new cocktail, the Kew Club.
Waiter, there's a Monkey Gland in my glass
December
2nd, 2004
...but is it
English or American?
A vintage concoction makes a comeback
November
18th, 2004
... just don't ask for its name, it's a Secret.
Spanish Rose hits the right notes
November
4th, 2004
The Professor
mixes up a Spanish Rose, by David Nepove, bar
manager at Enrico's Sidewalk Cafe
The Professor adds bitters when the sting is too sweet
October
14th, 2004
Serving up an
adaptation of the "V Sting" cocktail
And they're off to the races ...
September
30th, 2004
The professor
mixes up a few "Thoroughbred Martinis"
Professor fans a flame for a new cocktail
September
16th, 2004
The professor
is introduced to the "Hoskins Cocktail"
The Professor chases a chill with an inspired quaff
September
2nd, 2004
It's lunch time, and Ken, a regular at The Professor's bar,
steps up to the mahogany. He is soaking wet.
Raise a Cup to honor the life of Julia Child
August
19th, 2004
The Professor
is taking a break this week so we can take a little time to remember, and
celebrate, Julia Child.
Visitors call on The Professor for a resurrection of sorts
August
5th, 2004
Hal isn't
feeling great today -- he had just a couple of drinks more than he should
last night...
Swallowing a goldfish starts to sound like a good idea
July
22nd, 2004
"Don't
tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell
them where they know the fish."
When scotch is in a cocktail neatness does not count
July
15th, 2004
Scots encourage
livening up a dram of whisky.
Maple syrup -- it's not just for breakfast anymore
July
8th, 2004
The professor
learns about a new drink from London,
and a new use for maple syrup.
Hard-to-find Spanish liqueur makes a Basque Martini worth a
sip
June
24th, 2004
Baines Pacharan is the secret ingredient to this drink served
at Iluna Basque
A 1920s drink from Paris leaves The Professor feeling in
the pink
June
10th, 2004
Five local
bartenders are gathered at The Professor's bar for their weekly discussion
of new and noteworthy cocktails and ingredients.
The julep state weighs in with a Southern mojito
May
27th, 2004
Our cocktailian bartender is being taken to task about a
new drink he's offering at the bar.
An Irish stranger's talk of whiskey soothes a case of jet
lag
May
13th, 2004
The boss is
really angry because The Professor took all of last week off work without
notifying management.
Splash of vodka turns Hpnotiq
Breeze into a gale
April
22nd, 2004
Who knows what
evil lurks in the hearts of bartenders?... The
Professor knows!
Country crooner gets a peachy tribute
April
8th, 2004
Robert Earl
Keen gets a cocktail tribute: The Peachy Keen.
A Southern belle hankers for a cruise ship concoction
March
25th, 2004
The Professor
gets to imagine he his bound for Tahiti
as he mixes up a new cocktail for an old friend.
The Professor gets into a Scottish spirit
March
11th, 2004
The Professor
is busy arguing with one of his regular customers about the characteristics
of single-malt scotches.
Editors Note: Astute
readers may catch the typo in this article which places the Glendronach distillery as being a western Highland whisky, instead of the eastern Highlands
where it actually belongs.
Professor sweetens the deal with a port and brandy offshoot
February
26th, 2004
The Professor
starts out with a digestif, and ends up with a
Ruby Delicious cocktail.
Tequila is the zing in a Horseshoe Sling
February
12th, 2004
The Professor
gets a little creative and tries a little Agave
flavor as a substitute for the more traditional gin.
Kumquat cocktail calls for the right implement
January
29th, 2004
The Professor
holds court at his bar, and discusses the art of "stick drinks".
Catching a 21 Hayes never tasted so good
January
15th, 2004
The Professor
whips up a gin concoction, named after a bus.
The Professor brightens New Year's with a light nog
January
1st, 2004
The Professor,
our cocktailian bartender, is taking a day off
work to celebrate the new year, but he isn't taking a break from mixing
drinks. He and his partner are throwing a party.
Professor works in the fast lane
December
18th, 2003
The Professor
is having a wonderful afternoon with David, a vintage- car freak who,
whenever he's in town, likes to pass time with our cocktailian
bartender.
Professor's reason not to recycle
December
4th, 2003
The Professor
clues us in on the secret ingredient in making "bottled
cocktails".
Ireland pub crawl brings James Joyce to the U.S.
November
20th, 2003
The Professor
has just returned from a trip to Ireland, the country of his
ancestors, and he can't stop talking about his vacation to his regular
customers.
Professor gets some education
November
6th, 2003
A suave
gentleman is sitting at The Professor's bar, quietly sipping a dry gin
martini.
There's no trick to this treat
October
23rd, 2003
The boss,
always eager to make a few extra bucks, is holding an early Halloween party
on what is typically a slow night at the bar...
Bitters lends zest to orange potion
October
9th, 2003
The boss is
very pleased with himself today -- he just won a couple of grand on the
lottery.
Two spirits, one cocktail tale
September
25th, 2003
Doc, a regular
customer at The Professor's bar, has been poring over an old book for most
of the afternoon, sipping coffee after coffee, along with a couple of
single malts. He finally closes the book and asks for a glass of Fish House
Punch.
The taste bud's connected to the falernum
September
18th, 2003
The Professor
is a very happy man today. He just signed off on a liquor delivery and
three bottles of a new product called Velvet Falernum
were in one of the cases.
A Sweet segue in Seattle
September
4th, 2003
It's 3 o'clock in the afternoon, the bar is empty, and The
Professor, our cocktailian bartender, is
polishing the bottles on the back bar. The door opens and a guy glides down
the bar on a Segway Human Transporter.
In the mood for Tao of Love and other exotic concoctions
August
21st, 2003
The World Bar
in Manhattan
has one cocktail that costs $50 each, but they also one which is dedicated
to the romantic in each of us.
Cable Car takes you halfway to the stars
August
7th, 2003
Hal, the
regular evening bartender at The Professor's joint, is in Las Vegas for a few days, so The
Professor is pulling a night shift for a change.
The Manhattan heads uptown
July
24th, 2003
The Professor
admits to spending a little too much time out on the town last night, but
says it was all in the name of research.
The Professor suffers an attack of true Sazerac
July
10th, 2003
He had refused
to make a Sazerac for someone about a year ago,
but he couldn't remember the circumstances.
Professor defends Cosmo's honor
June
26th, 2003
A regular
customer learns what a Cosmo has in common with the Sidecar and Margarita.
A Bronx cheer from the Big Apple
June
12th, 2003
The Professor
is excitedly telling a few of his regular customers about his recent trip
to Manhattan,
where he visited the Bull and Bear bar in the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel.
A drink that makes everything all right
May
29th, 2003
The Professor
has a song in his head, and a cocktail on his mind.
Swooning over a Swan
May
15th, 2003
The Professor
is in trouble. And he should be. A salesperson told him about three new bottlings of Bowmore
single-malt scotch, and he ordered them without even glancing at the price.
To Crush or Not To Crush...
May
1st, 2003
The Professor
keeps the peace, between two bartenders who are debating the age old
question of how the mint is truly intended to be incorporated in a Mint
Julep...
Cocktail order sends The Professor into a Tailspin
April
17th, 2003
The Professor
is wearing a baffled look on his otherwise wizened face. Doc, a regular customer
who always has his nose buried in a book, has just ordered a Tailspin
cocktail...
Trip to the tropics with a Tartini
April
3rd, 2003
This week The
Professor tunes in to flavored vodkas, grumbles about his penny-pinching
boss and makes a cocktail developed at Aziza
restaurant in San Francisco.
The Secret History of Bloody Marys
March
20th, 2003
In Today's San
Francisco Chronicle, The Professor, our man behind the stick, makes a
Bloody Mary in its original form, and discusses a somewhat controversial
work of art with a new customer.
Lights, camera . . . Floridita
March
6th, 2003
In today's San
Francisco Chronicle our bartender, The Professor, bumps into a guy who's
somewhat of a legend among cocktailians, and they
discuss a couple of drinks created at one of Ernest Hemingway's favorite
Cuban bars.
The Genesis of Two Apple Drinks
February
20th, 2003
The Professor,
our cocktailian bartender, tells us about
"The genesis of two apple drinks" created at San Francisco's Chaya
Brasserie -- and he learns that they can lead to matrimony.
A Drink to do Kipling Proud
February
6th, 2003
Join our
Professor this week, as he introduces one of his regular customers to the
wonders of the Pisco Sour.
When Scotch lies down with Vodka
January
23rd, 2003
This week The
Professor, our cocktailian bartender, learns that
when presented with an cocktail recipe that defies
most of the rules of classic mixology, he should
not judge a drink by its ingredients.
Presenting the Whole Margarita
January
9th, 2003
Thought you
knew the ins and outs of a Margarita? Think again. Even a cocktail as
simple as this one requires specific attention to details when it is made
by a master.
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